I miss my mom...

Straight up, I miss my mom- no I am lucky and she hasnt passed... But she hasnt been herself since 2000 and Im over it Her and my Dad (read stepdad really) seperated in late 1999 and she has never been the same since She has "struggled' with addidction (prescription pain meds) and it has hurt so much to see her do this to her self I had to stop worrying years ago about this (about 2007) as i was stressing myself to the max wondering when we would hear from her next (she moved 3 hrs south of us into a HUGE city) if she was alive etc Its not fun worrying about your mom in those ways let me tell you I guess I miss her more as she was at our wedding- but she looks about 85 yrs old and is only 49 yrs old Shes not the mom i grew up with (id like to mention that I had a GREAT life up until about 14.5 yrs old- that is a whole nother story we arent getting into today lol) I miss her so much, i just want my Mommy back sounds funny to say at 25 but i guess maybe i was just so bitter these years that i didnt really miss her as much as i knew in my heart i did maybe its being pregnant and thinking of how i could never just "abandon" my child(ren) for 12 years- and then i think of her theres so much i crave for- yes i have a WONDERFULLY AMAZING Aunt who has stepped up to the plate, but if anyone has a situation like this you understand when I say its just not the same there is something about a mom that i miss i miss hugging her and not feeling every bone in her body- her whole spine and seeing her at less than 100 lbs when yes she needed to lose weight 12 yrs ago but not that much or when i show ppl pics of her and they say 'oh really i thought that was your grandma' maybe its just an emotional wednesday while preggo- but fuck i crave having my mommy back